reconsidering

so once again, videotaping myself dance wasnt such a good idea, and a good idea at the same time.
why am i so terrible? i mean logically i shouldn't be THIS bad. no grace,elegance or even the passion in any of the movement. everything has been coming from my intuition, not my head.

so why isn't it any good? its probably because im too hard on myself, but why wouldn't i be?i know what i wanna see. and im just not it. i look so out of shape when i dance, how do people see potential in me when i dont see it myself? maybe its me being self conscious, but i just don't see the talent in myself.

i've only been dancing for 3 years. and since i've started, i've gone from a complete beginner to an intermediate level. i've competed with my dance team in many competitions, i've performed all of my life.
so why is it that i dont have that quality i want?
i've been watching videos of my past performances, and I have to say.
they were so much better in my own head then they actually were in real life.

FML.

so were dancin. . .

ahh! its workshops for the 09-10 west covina high dance drill team :[
this year went by so quickly, i miss it already and its not even officially over.
diva dance off is coming up too, so that means everyone is choreographing their projects.

there are a few pieces i actually like and wanna learn, not perform just learn.
katrina inspired me to do a solo. i dont think im that good yet, but when am i gonna get the chance to do a solo anytime in the near future?
so im doing it. :]

its a work in progress but im enjoying it. i've never choreographed before let alone a lyrical.
its funny how i have everything already set up, EXEPT the choreography.
hahah.
oh my life

HANNAH MONTANA THE MOVIE!

so today i went to the el capitan theater to see the Hannah Montana movie.
i loved it.surprisingly enough, it was better than i thought it was gonna be.
i laughed a lot and almost cried a few times.
i think i might wanna see it again.
haha
that was the highlight of my spring break.which is kinda sad if you think about it.

i have just decided to promise myself to stop bugging people when i make new friends, this is why i hardly ever make any. cause right after, i bug the crap out of them and i start to get annoying right away. even i notice. and i get jealous of random things which i don't think i'll put.
i've also realized that when i meet someone "new" i almost get obsessed in a way.that no matter what i always think about it, and find ways to talk to that person. ALL THE TIME. its kinda sickening on my part, cause i hate being like this but its almost involuntary. i get all excited and start getting talkative.
have you ever met anyone who enjoys talking to themself? yeah i didnt think so.
its weird how i tend to like to look at my reflection, im not vain or anything. just self conscious i guess and need to know that i'm presentable at all times. its just a weird trait of mine. its weird how all of this is something i probably would never tell anyone, but it feels better to blog about it than keep it to myself you know?
specially since i know that no one really reads this thing. but if they do, HA! sucks to be me.

:]

Venting

so i have been terrible at updating this blog.i think the last time i updated this thing was in summer.but recently i came across someones blog and it made me want to start up my own again as a way to vent and release thoughts that im pretty sure no one would read.
even though im planning on putting up the link on my myspace but oh well.
no one cares what i have to say.
its weird how people are so, well i guess you could call it desperate, to fall in love. as much as i wanna say that im not one of them,sadly i think we all are. its probably because the feeling of being cared about by someone else other than yourself is nice and makes you feel special.to the point where you might even rush into things for these emotions even though they might not be real.
im still young, i'll have plenty of time for all this. but why does it seem like its everywhere?you cant help but feel jealous when everywhere you look you see couples who really seem to care about each other. but then again, i have seen my share of heartache. its sad to see someone i care about be so sad about a guy.just the fact that one person can affect you so much makes me sad.

hahaha all of what i've written so far seems so sad. im really not upset about it all. but with all of this alone time i have, theres nothing to do but think about everything.

competition season has just ended.
and honestly even though im glad all of the stress and hard work is done.
im going to miss this year, i've met a lot of people and seen a lot of amazing dancers.
i have enough memories to last me a lifetime.
Nationals is something i dont think i can ever describe or relive.this year wasnt my first time performing, but being on that floor with my team really made me feel alive. through all the tears,sweat,injuries and stress it really was all worth it. i know now that the placement isnt what matters, its the experience we had together as we experience the thrill of performing together is something i can never forget.
im going to miss my first year on this team.
hopefully this wont be my last.

Merry Christmas?

i haven't updated this in forever.
i really suck at doing something weekly/daily.

my christmas pretty much sucked.
only got a few presents but that wasnt the bad part.
the bad part was that i took a nap in the middle of the day and ended up sleeping throught pretty much everything.
i ended up having to eat dinner and open my presents by myself.
all day yesterday i ate absolutely NOTHING but christmas cookies.
until dinner that is, then i ate curry and rice.

overall my christmas wasnt much different as any other day.

:[

busy week

oh wow.
so I promised my self I wasn't gonna blog unless I had something to talk about.
okay so the past week i've been pretty busy.
had sharp camp for 3 days. and i loved it.
i got closer to more girls on the team and we all learned that if we all work together we can do whatever we want. and win a spirit stick.=]
i got to dance lyrical for the first time. and well all i can say is that its intoxicating.
i love it so much, i even decided to choreograph my own. hahah its so LAME.
when i was making it up it seemed so good but then i video taped myself dancing it and it was just terrible.
(and no im not posting up the video, heheh i already deleted it)

the day after i got home from camp.
we went to vegas!
it was so boring.
i hated it.
but oh well.

okie so we got home from Vegas on Wednesday night.
and today i had practice for drill team from 4-8

thats really it though.
oh well

on saturday.


im going to the BEACH!
whooo.
yay me!
oh and btw i have a new phone number.
if you dont know it.
message me or something and ASK for it

Not so eventful day

so as usual, I didn't do anything today.

whooo.

so fun.

I just stayed home and enjoyed the fact that there was nothing I had to do.

believe it or not, today is the first day in about two weeks that I have had absolutely nothing to do.

so I spent my day eating and watching various shows on the disney channel.=]

ooo and I also attempted to continue reading my book for the english 1 honors summer project.

the book is Rebecca by Daphne Du Maurier.

all I can say is that, I AM BORED TO TEARS.

this book is kinda dull. well at least in the beginning of it. which is where I currently am. I've had the book for a few weeks now. and so far I've only read like 13 pages. helpl?!?!

well my mom ordered pizza for dinner and she left me in charge with the money. too bad I wasn't paying attention when she was talking to be about the tip. hahah oh well.

I will talk to you guys later.=]